To speak the truth

The words laid on the tip of my tongue,

but I was unable to speak.

My heart was beating faster inside my chest,

And my body started to feel weak.

My hands were sweating and shaking as never before,

The fear started to consume me.

I told myself the truth would set me free,

But wonder if I was lying.

I knew there was but one moment to speak the words,

Despite my fears I had to say them aloud.

They stumbled out uncontrolled, broken.

My face looked shocked; I actually did it.

I stared deep into his eyes looking for hope.

The silence ate away at my stomach like acid.

My deepest fears were realized, my heart exposed.

I was wishing I could erase those last few moments.

The words he spoke next didn’t matter.

I heard, but did not listen, didn’t register.

They weren’t the words I’d prayed for

And the mortification consumed me.

I nodded along to feign understanding.

I waited for that safe moment to escape, melt away.

But worse than the moment of realization,

Was losing out on the dream of what I most desired.

There’s no going back now.

In that one moment I erased my hope, my dreams

And I bulldozed my present reality.

No words can describe the intensity of that pain.

He walked away and I stood frozen, unable to move.

My eyes teared up; I sank to the floor.

I think my heart stopped beating, if but for a moment.

My world pulverized; I bled visibly, deeply, uncontrollably.