Letting go

This is an old one, but has occasionally come back to haunt me.  Hope you like it:

I was never very good at letting go,

of people, things, moments in time.

I look too hard for meaning in every aspect of life,

as if even the tiniest thing is of the utmost importance.

Of course, this is also why I feel so deeply;

why to this day I can remember intricate details of past events.

It helps me remember the people I’ve lost,

people who have taught me, touched me, shaped my life.

This is often good, but not always.

Sometimes we go through events in life that change us,

but in looking back as painful as the moment or period in time was,

without it we would not be who we are today.

Still I try to find direction in when to let go.

Remembrance is good, but clinging to something is extreme.

In life we must find a balance between the two.

I haven’t felt this way in so long; as if I’ve come alive again.

I finally feel excitement in a day, happiness, have things to look forward to.

I contribute some, if not all of this, to a special person I’ve come to know.

My heart skips a beat thinking of them, my stomach flutters like a child.

My mind is burdened trying to focus instead of day dream of them.

As so often seems to happen in my life, it can only be in my dreams.

So I’m left to wonder, is it better to let go of this person?

Staying still in time, not letting go, allows me a sense of happiness I haven’t felt in quite awhile,

But that happiness is like fine china just waiting to burst into a thousand pieces.

In my head, I know it’s not even real, but it helps me through a bad day.

Is it so bad to have something that makes you smile, as long as you know where the line is?

There’s a voice in my head, telling me to walk away, give them up.

Am I strong enough? Is it even about strength?

Why is it I am drawn to things, to places, to people that cannot be?

Maybe I really don’t want what I think I want.

Maybe I don’t even know what I want.

Somehow I think it’s more that I’m afraid of actually finding what I want.

Yet in that fear, I’m losing time.

I’m wasting time.

With this logic, walking away should be so simple.

Yet I return to my original thought, about letting go.

Even though I know I need to, I should,

I am not sure that I can.

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